Motivational Monday…

So, after a full weekend in Yoga Teacher Training, Monday is usually “catch-up” day.  I find myself spending too much time trying to reciprocate on Twitter, FB, Instagram, Pinterest or wherever I feel like I have not kept up.  Then I realized that I had neglected connections on here.  The actual blog.  This is where my heart was/has been/is.  The connection that I make to my readers is actually the thing I value the most.  If you go way back to my first posts, it’s about establishing a connection to you through my life with invisible diseases.

It did morph into a holistic type of connection…mind, body, social fan page, because I felt like we needed a variety of ways to stay in touch; however, please know that if you comment here, like here, share here, this is where I feel it the most.  My blog to me, is like ripping parts of my soul out and pressing it onto paper for you to read.  At first, it hurt.  It left me raw and exposed to the world.  You know I have issues.  You know I’m not perfect.  You know I’m a hot mess at times.  And…it’s okay.  Nothing fell apart.  I didn’t die from this experience.  In fact, I think it made me stronger. 

So my friends, my message today is simple.  Don’t be afraid to make real connections.  Some will not understand.  And that’s okay.  Everyone is brought into your life for a reason.  They all have lessons to teach us, and some might sting.  Some might walk away from your life because the truth is just too big for them to understand.  The only way to keep on living with that truth, is to remember that being you is the real lesson.  Being real.  The connections you make out of that are far more substantial.  I’d like to end with this piece shared by one of my readers, and hopefully you can read the whole poem.  It’s still amazing after all this time.  If poem, by Rudyard Kipling.  Thank you for the reminder friend.

Stronger Me

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Motivational Monday…

Sometimes, you do the hard things first just to get them out-of-the-way.  Other times, you do them last…putting them off until you can wait no longer.  Many people have been broken by the “hard things” as they carry them around.  Yesterday in my yoga teacher training, we talked about a burden I still carry.  I have gone through a different sort of spiritual awakening and not everyone is going to be there when I am done.  I know this.  That being said, it doesn’t matter how much you know, how much you prepare yourself mentally for making the hard choices, it still hurts when people closest to you don’t understand, or worse, decide they know what’s best for you in your life and how you should handle a situation. 

Because let’s say that the roles were reversed.  Would you know how to handle their pain?  Their righteousness?  Their “programming” as it appears?  Chances are, you would not.  It never fails to amaze me how many ugly things I see out there on the internet or social media platforms.  One in particular happened just last week.  An old friend from high school posted something he found funny…in defense of being gay.  You know where this is going.  He is openly gay…some people from our old way of life were programmed to think differently.  It ended up being rather sad…for the hater.  Not my friend.  He handled it well.

No matter what you think about another person’s way of life or beliefs, I want you to stop for a moment and think about what they have to carry through life.  Then think about what you are carrying.  Are you helping carry this person’s burden and do you genuinely care about them or are you just trying to persuade them that your beliefs are better than theirs thus adding to their burden??  Getting into an argument on social media and trying to persuade the masses about your way of thinking and how it’s been handed down from the mouth of God Himself helps absolutely no one.  What it does instead is send your ego forward.  You are no longer thinking with your heart…because if you were, you would understand that this person is carrying their own stuff the best they can and you pointing out their faults is clearly trying to break them down.  And honestly, I don’t think God instructs this way.  It’s time we stop doing that to each other my friends.

Carry

Help yourself…

I was going to call this Motivational Monday…but I want you to know exactly what I am writing about.  I don’t want to mislead you as I might sound a bit harsh for a minute.  You need this.  I need this.  We need this.  So ahem, put on your big girl or boy pants for a minute and take a seat.

Sometimes people ask me for advice…and likewise, I ask others for advice occasionally.  The problem is, we aren’t really asking them for help.  We are merely wanting to let them know how crappy our lives are at the moment.  How horrible X, Y, and that Z is.  We let whatever their situation is get into our heads sometimes.  We should definitely NOT do that, but as good friends, maybe even best friends, we do.  It sinks into our souls like an anchor and there it lies.  It has extra weight that we carry around for who knows how long.  It might even take up space in our very valuable brain…space we scarce have left for our own issues let alone others.

So this is what I propose we all do before we ask for advice.  We think long and hard about our situation and if the situation can be improved and/or fixed by actually doing something instead of talking about it.  If the answer is yes, then write out a plan.  If you don’t think you can fix it yourself, and you really do require advice or help, then by all means, ask away.  But be prepared to actually use the advice others dispense.  Now before anyone reads into this, this is always purely written for me.  I am giving myself advice today.  Right now.

My good friend Dr. Marion gave me three questions to ponder over when I get asked for health advice from others.  The first is “What do you expect from me?”…maybe to clear up goals the other person wants for themselves.  The next is “What is your ideal lifestyle?”  She used this one on me a while back when working on my mobility at her office.  I thought about that for a while.  It sounds easy, but I really want you to think about it as it relates to your health.  Lastly was “How do you expect to get there?”  Of course I said magic wand…then I added that’s where she comes in.  She gets my humor.  But it’s hard working with her sometimes so I avoid it occasionally as that’s what we all do if we don’t like pain.  Likewise, we avoid listening to or taking the advice of others because it might cause us pain or difficulty.  We want the easy way out.  We do.

The difference is I know this and I still have a block.  I told her that today.  The hard things are just HARD to do.  I’m so damn tired of hard.  I don’t see myself as some of my friends do because I know what’s in my head.  I know how close I have come to not trying anymore.  Not giving up…just not trying.  But my friend told me I was so motivated it’s scary today.  And Marion told me to just stop “leading” and let her help me.  Because that’s what I do.  I look for answers, I don’t stop and rest too long or I’ll stay there, and I keep leading.  I will succeed in my goal of coming back into my body at full capacity.  I will not let these labels, these ridiculous, stupid labels, stop me from living.  If you are tired of living with a label and you are asking for advice, please do yourself a favor and HELP YOURSELF.  You are the lead in your life.  You are.  But when you ask for advice, if you truly need help, then take it.  And that my friends is my lesson for today.

Help yourself

Author’s note:  Dr. Marion gave me this listing for everyone needing to find your own AK practitioner.

Irritations…

I don’t know when it became acceptable for others to simply do whatever they feel like doing at any given time, speak to you however they feel or act however they want.  Today’s society drains me as there seems to be no common courtesy in the world anymore.  Yesterday I went to my local health food store.  Unfortunately, I said I wasn’t going in there ever again after something happened the last time I visited.  I spent about 6 months personally boycotting the store.  Seriously.

Until I needed some things that no one else sells.  So I made my trip up there hoping I was going to see him…the cause for irritation.  I made it into the store and poof, he magically appeared.  Throwing a comment over his shoulder as he walked by me, can I help you find anything, as he kept walking away from me.  Yes, actually you can.  I need coconut butter.  Using a simpering, irritated voice “Oh my God. You are like the 5th person to ask for coconut butter.  I do NOT have it. I have coconut manna. What do you all want it for anyway?”  As he sighs heavily like I am putting him out.  Did I mention that he is the owner?  Well he is. 

Let me tell you about the first time I ran in with my whole family to get something.  It was like 4:45 p.m. and I needed something as I eat gluten-free.  Some of my ingredients are difficult to get.  I am sometimes, erm lots, depressed when I can’t eat similar items my little family is eating as we used to make things together.  We have changed our whole eating habits for me as a dinner ritual, which is nice, but occasionally, I want a cookie darn it.  So we went in to get some ingredients only this guy has.  Seriously, it wasn’t much of a list.  I went in and they yelled out “Closing in 15 minutes.” as a way of greeting us.  No hi.  No hello.  No welcome.  Nothing.  I got my little things with my husband and kids as we were on our way to my parent’s house, and went to the counter.  From behind the counter a voice says “BETTER late than NEVER” in a seriously ugly tone.

So number one, I am doing this guy a favor by shopping in his store.  Number two, I get no recognition, no greeting, no courtesy.  Number three, it’s like I am putting him out by being a customer.  So I refused to enter the store for months and apparently he hasn’t changed because after he “helped” me yesterday, he proceeded to mention things he can’t sell now because we are getting a Whole Foods soon and people would just drive there, which by the way, is 40 minutes away right now.  So let me just gently remind you all, if you are a small store owner, a business person of any kind and someone is doing you a favor, don’t speak to them like you can’t be bothered or perhaps “don’t have the energy” to treat them right.  They will remember.  Trust me.  Treat the person how you would want to be treated.  It’s just a small thing in this world.  Kindness.  Pass it on. 

Kindness

Cyber Motivational Monday…

I know you have 125 e-mails or more today, so why not add something to that.  I am feeling really inspired and might possibly be launching the blog as a web page in the New Year.  I am getting chapters together to help people with invisible diseases and trying to decide on an e-book or how to go about doing this thang for real.  Anyway, I added 5 new customers last month to my business and I love helping people.  I guess I was so worn out from seeing the hopelessness in the support groups that I just couldn’t stand it anymore.  But that’s not what this post is about.  Soooo, ahem, reeling it back in.  For more on what I do, check the tab here that says Vitalize You.  It’s more than what it appears.  I consult with people based on their needs and offer suggestions of my products.

Next, I made a small quote store.  As most of you know, I love quotes!  Ha, so find a few here and also show off your support of my blog by wearing a T-shirt made with my fave quote.  “Today I will take the opportunity to do unanticipated good.” ~Steve Maraboli   That is a really awesome quote.  So when you are faced with a nerve wracking situation, oh I don’t know, maybe this lady just said something nasty you, gave you the evil eyeball, and shook her head.  Then when you called her out on it to her face because she was making nasty comments under her breath, for real, you did “unanticipated good” and let it go when she said she was just joking…although clearly, she was not.  But you get my point.  Unanticipated good is actually a whole lot more than that, but you need to keep people on their toes.  Don’t sink down to whatever level they are going to.  Go the other way.  Towards the light.

And that my friends, is my 2 minutes of Cyber motivation.  Because clearly, there are people out there who need some good in their lives.  Let’s all try to be the better person this week.  Come on.  I know WE can do it.

Nice

 

Heal me now…

Do you ever have one of those conversations with yourself about getting better?  What about doing things in life?  Lately, I have been saying a few things over and over in my head when I wake up.  If it is going to be a particularly challenging day, one which involves actually leaving the house, I know, but true, I say to myself that I can do it.  I am getting better.  I do that with things I put off.  Like right now.  I want to cancel something tomorrow.  Sorry if you are reading this friend, but it’s true.  Seeing you is difficult so I avoid it.  Haha, before someone reads into this, this is a type of chiropractic help I go to…applied kinesiology AND it is difficult.  So I put it off.  It hurts.  A LOT.  Like my mom can hear me in the other room when I go.  And that’s with me gritting my teeth.

I told my friend I was going to slap her on Friday if she pushed on me one more time.  And I actually LIKE her.  She knows.  It doesn’t hurt her feelings…because she asks me to come back.  So normal folks can plan something a few days in a row.  I normally can’t.  Not everyone gets that.  I also can’t do cold much anymore as my hands don’t want to bend which honestly just pisses me off.  So I go out anyway every Thursday and do my job and ignore it.  A girl tried to give me some excuse a few weeks ago and I looked her straight in the eye and I said “Listen.  I get being “sick”.  I do.  But you don’t have to act like it.  We have a job to do.”  End of story.

I have to be practical and blunt.  I can’t even accept excuses from myself so I sure as hell don’t want to hear them from other people.  There are many people I have had to cut out of my life because they don’t understand and they still aren’t honest with me…or themselves for that matter.  So if you are reading this and you have an invisible disease, please please stop feeling sorry for yourself today.  You can feel sorry yourself maybe once a month.  Tops.  I give you that day.  But not every single day.  If you are in a “support” group where it’s everyday you are complaining, that will become your life.  Get. Out.  Leave the group.  Seriously.  One day.  And one day only.

This message was brought to you from Cher.  Like in Moonstruck.  I am virtually slapping you.  Snap out of it!!

Healing

Fappiness…

I feel like  I need to give you permission to be honest with yourself.  So there it is.  You have my permission (like you needed it, but anyway, you have it).  If you were to be really honest with yourself, truly honest, what would you say to yourself?  I know what I would say because I couldn’t sleep last night.  That’s always an indicator that I need to write about the truth.  How I truly feel.  Without the pretty stuff.  So here it is.

I don’t feel thankful right now.  I don’t.  I just imagined a collective gasp from like 20,000 people.  In reality, you might just merely be thinking ok, why?  Or maybe you are thinking you have lots to be thankful for, why are you not thankful???  I demand it.  If you thought the first thing, you get me.  If you thought the second, I want to explain.  It’s not that I’m NOT thankful…I am.  I am just having a hard time feeling that way some days.  I know I have so much in my life to be thankful for.  I do.  I know this.  But unfortunately, there is something inside me that hasn’t been getting filled up lately and I don’t know how to fix that.

As I talked to my husband about it last night, I think he began to understand.  I didn’t want to talk about it because I felt like I was ungrateful.  I felt like the “Inspirational Page Owners Police” were going to come and take away my license to operate a motivational page.  But then he said why can’t you write about the truth?  And that seemed easier.

Two years ago when I realized that something else was happening to my body yet again, I made the decision to stop teaching.  I went to my husband and I calmly said that I couldn’t explain it, but teaching was making me more sick.  I just knew it.  The last year that I taught I was out many days until finally, I was out for 3 solid weeks.  That year started off with a breast cancer scare, and I don’t know if I really recovered fully after that.  I was on edge.  Something was coming, but I couldn’t explain what it was.

I would sing my happy songs, smile at the beautiful children, and fake smile at everyone else.  I had previously been known as Mrs. Happy.  In my head, I was now Mrs. Fappy.  Fake-happy.  The pain in my body had already been building up for years and I flinched when anyone touched me.  If the children were sick, I put them to the back of the carpet, because yes dear parents, a few of you sent your darlings to school on Tylenol hoping I wouldn’t notice, but I always did.  They had fevers and were burning up after they had already hugged me and loved on me because that’s just how I am.  I am not going to let them be sick in my room without them knowing I still love them and want to take care of them.  I did, however, have them go to the nurse.  Sometimes you came and picked them up, other times, not so much.  You were busy and had no other options…I get it, but it made things difficult.

Unfortunately, I am immune compromised and my immune system isn’t what it used to be 17 years ago.  So I knew that I couldn’t operate this way anymore because I worked in a school where some parents didn’t have the means to take care of their children and really, truly,  were doing the best they could at that moment.  It was just difficult on me.  Emotionally, it had taken a toll long before now.

I could tell you the series of ridiculous things that happened to me up to this point in my life, but it doesn’t really matter right now.  All that matters is right now, I am trying to find the thankfulness in life.  Not just go through the motions.  I also know that money does not solve problems, I get that, I do, but sometimes I wish we had some wiggle room.  I feel responsible for my decision to stop teaching full-time because there is no longer any wiggle room…if there truly ever was.  I have to weigh decisions carefully on what we spend money on, and when I make a poor decision, I beat myself up.  Even going to the doctors cost me money I can ill afford to pay when they want to see me back in 6 weeks…at $35 a trip because it’s a specialist.  All I freaking see are specialists.  With 4.5 diseases that most people have never heard of I was told by one doctor, “It’s like building a house.  You wouldn’t expect the plumber to know about carpentry, right?”  Meh.  I see your analogy and I raise it a “I am trying to be seen in one place so this doesn’t cost me ridiculous amounts of money all the time!!!” stare.  Because sometimes, I just can’t respond to people.  The words that would come out are not nice.

So, the point to this entire erm rant?  I get you Wayne Brady and your breakdown.  I love you man.  I really do.  I love you Robin Williams and I miss you.  But I get you too.  But let’s start talking about “Fappiness” more and how it’s okay to feel this way at times.  Let’s talk about this and bring this out in the open.  Stop trying to fix it.  Just let it be.  And talk about it, until it’s okay to be fappy…

Fappy