Being terribly real…

RealOn the journey to motherhood, I didn’t pause to consider what it was going to be like after I had my daughters.  I never thought for a second about play dates, getting out of the house with two babies, or how I would live in pajamas…for a long time.  The only things I thought of were the sweet baby smell, and the adorable girl clothes all ready to put on my first baby.  It was easy for a while.  I know that sounds crazy, but it was.  She was a good baby after I got over the initial “How the heck do you breast feed right?” phase.  I was constantly tired, but it was a good tired.  One I could live with.  Until the day I found out I was pregnant with baby number 2.  The first one was only 9 months old.  Wow.  Was not expecting that.  Ha.

So fast forward to having 2 baby girls.  The struggle was real as they say.  I came up with the idea of play dates to get out of the house.  With moms I had never met before in my life.  It was wonderful, and I could reflect on that bonding experience for a long time, but what I want to get across is this point.  When we finally got past the pleasantries and being “real” with each other, it was a much better experience.  If you look past the cleaning like a mad woman before anyone came over for a play date (dumb thinking).  Making sure I had the right snacks out, and everything was prepped and ready so it appeared things were effortless.  Again, how dumb was that?  Not being embarrassed when my girls wanted to just sit and eat snacks instead of playing.  Like you can control your kids.  Hahaha.  When they are toddlers (new mom thinking is warped).

So as I have gotten older, and I visit my friends with kids, guess what y’all??  We don’t clean before anyone comes over.  We don’t.  It’s liberating.  I might be in something nice-ish, or I might be in yoga pants.  We don’t pretend that our lives are perfect.  And that the snacks float out to the table magically.  Although that would be pretty cool.  Heck, we don’t even know what we’re having for dinner half the time.  Or if there really is food in the house.  Some nights, it’s every human for themselves.  But why did it take so long to learn this?

When you meet someone, I know it takes a long time to get “real”.  Unless you quickly peel back the layers and say, “Oh there you are.  I like this you.  The real you.”  So if you are hurting and in pain because you think no one understands you, I want to ask you this, have you given them a chance yet?  Are you still the clean house, perfect food, immaculate outfits, and everything is nice and shiny, because believe me sister, life isn’t always nice and shiny.  Find the friends who are going to be there with you in the trenches and scream “Go for cover!” when the next life crisis is thrown at you.  Those are the ones who matter the most.  The ones who lift you up when life gets real.

 

Motivational Monday…

Sometimes, you do the hard things first just to get them out-of-the-way.  Other times, you do them last…putting them off until you can wait no longer.  Many people have been broken by the “hard things” as they carry them around.  Yesterday in my yoga teacher training, we talked about a burden I still carry.  I have gone through a different sort of spiritual awakening and not everyone is going to be there when I am done.  I know this.  That being said, it doesn’t matter how much you know, how much you prepare yourself mentally for making the hard choices, it still hurts when people closest to you don’t understand, or worse, decide they know what’s best for you in your life and how you should handle a situation. 

Because let’s say that the roles were reversed.  Would you know how to handle their pain?  Their righteousness?  Their “programming” as it appears?  Chances are, you would not.  It never fails to amaze me how many ugly things I see out there on the internet or social media platforms.  One in particular happened just last week.  An old friend from high school posted something he found funny…in defense of being gay.  You know where this is going.  He is openly gay…some people from our old way of life were programmed to think differently.  It ended up being rather sad…for the hater.  Not my friend.  He handled it well.

No matter what you think about another person’s way of life or beliefs, I want you to stop for a moment and think about what they have to carry through life.  Then think about what you are carrying.  Are you helping carry this person’s burden and do you genuinely care about them or are you just trying to persuade them that your beliefs are better than theirs thus adding to their burden??  Getting into an argument on social media and trying to persuade the masses about your way of thinking and how it’s been handed down from the mouth of God Himself helps absolutely no one.  What it does instead is send your ego forward.  You are no longer thinking with your heart…because if you were, you would understand that this person is carrying their own stuff the best they can and you pointing out their faults is clearly trying to break them down.  And honestly, I don’t think God instructs this way.  It’s time we stop doing that to each other my friends.

Carry

Talk Radio…

So this week has been interesting with the launch of The Wellness Universe website…being asked to write for all kinds of different pages.  And getting a phone call that shall remain a mystery for now.  But this, this is not going to be kept a secret…

Authoress Tonya Wilson of “The Time Is Now” sheds light Issues Of Addictions, Recovery & Deliverance. On Sunday, January 25, 2015 @ 7:00 PM EST. If You Need Inspiration, Answers, or Support, The Time Is Now! Her Guest Panelist This week is, AIMEE H….Aimee H. is a fighter of invisible diseases (namely her own). She is the Writer of the Blog “The Burned Hand”. She is also the Owner and Operator of Vitalize You. Both are now a part of The Wellness Universe Directory. Join us as she shares an all natural approach to wellness and recovery, The recorded playback is here blog talk radio.

I have connected with many people over the years and I feel most strongly connected to people with illness.  But recovery can be many things to many people.  It can be drugs, alcohol, pain killers, but it can also be recovery from internal conflicts.  Depression, fertility issues, things people cannot see and in no way shape or form have the right to judge your path.  So please take a moment to listen in if you have time.  If not, I will probably come back and drop a link in this post later with the recording.  We’ll see how I sound first.  Wink.  P.S. Ihaveneverdonethisbeforesodontbejudgingme

But I know you will be cheering me on!!

happy

Blogiversary!

Happy Blogiversary to us!  Without you reading my posts, there wouldn’t be a blog.  Ok, that’s not true, I would be lonely, but the truth is, I write for me as I’ve always said.  It heals something deep down inside me that was broken the day I found out about my first diagnosis of an “invisible disease” named Porphyria.  So without further ado, let’s go back there, shall we?  Cue psychedelic swirly things.  And poof!  We are in 1997.  That was the New Year’s Eve all the crazy decided it was time to come out.  It started with tests coming back odd…and I thought my life was just beginning with my soon-to-be husband back then.  Then I get told about the cervical dysplasia and I admit the word pre-cancerous cells is scary.  It just is.

So as we move into 1998, the year does not get any better at that point.  I find a man I am madly in love with and now I am falling apart…in more ways than one.  That’s when the blisters started.  Blisters. Are.  Bad.  These were not your ordinary ones mind you, well have a read over there at my link.  I’ll wait.  Humming music in my head.  Okay, back on track.  See I told you.  They used LATIN words.  Latin.  On me.  Who did they think they were dealing with??  I had a B.A. in English and was a researcher.  Of course I was going to find out what they trying to hide.  And it wasn’t going to be good…but I already knew the that the second she whispered to the other doctor.

Anyway, I consoled myself back then with the fact that out of all the porphyrias, mine seemed to be the less likely to cause internal pain.  I didn’t think about the psychological at the time.  The fact that I was such a strong person and this was slowly killing me inside.  But, I had a wedding to plan so let’s get to the rest of 1998, and how it lingered on.  You will want to read that link over there again.  I’ll wait for you to catch up because that one includes everyone’s favorite subject.  Vampire lore (hint, I do not sparkle, but yes, the burning part is real).  I have been told I am ageless.  There is some truth to that part of the myth as well.  I do get my blood taken for life.  But I would not wish this on even the most fervent Twilight fan.  P.S. that vamp is dumb.  My man Damon Salvatore is much better…in fact any vampire is better than Mr.  Sparkle.  Just my opinion.

Okay, back to me getting married at this point in my life with pints of blood taken every week, no sunlight, no birth control, no alcohol, and blisters still present.  Did I mention my skin burned?  Burned all over, but especially my hands.  Ding, ding ding!  See how I came up with the quote title??  It made perfect sense.  Love of literature combined with the horrible stuff going on in my body.  Poof.  Perfect title.  So let’s finish up remembering why I started this blog by reading this post the Summer of 1998.  And this my friends, is why I need to finish my book.  I believe my story can and does help others feel less alone in this world.  And this was just the beginning.

hope

Help yourself…

I was going to call this Motivational Monday…but I want you to know exactly what I am writing about.  I don’t want to mislead you as I might sound a bit harsh for a minute.  You need this.  I need this.  We need this.  So ahem, put on your big girl or boy pants for a minute and take a seat.

Sometimes people ask me for advice…and likewise, I ask others for advice occasionally.  The problem is, we aren’t really asking them for help.  We are merely wanting to let them know how crappy our lives are at the moment.  How horrible X, Y, and that Z is.  We let whatever their situation is get into our heads sometimes.  We should definitely NOT do that, but as good friends, maybe even best friends, we do.  It sinks into our souls like an anchor and there it lies.  It has extra weight that we carry around for who knows how long.  It might even take up space in our very valuable brain…space we scarce have left for our own issues let alone others.

So this is what I propose we all do before we ask for advice.  We think long and hard about our situation and if the situation can be improved and/or fixed by actually doing something instead of talking about it.  If the answer is yes, then write out a plan.  If you don’t think you can fix it yourself, and you really do require advice or help, then by all means, ask away.  But be prepared to actually use the advice others dispense.  Now before anyone reads into this, this is always purely written for me.  I am giving myself advice today.  Right now.

My good friend Dr. Marion gave me three questions to ponder over when I get asked for health advice from others.  The first is “What do you expect from me?”…maybe to clear up goals the other person wants for themselves.  The next is “What is your ideal lifestyle?”  She used this one on me a while back when working on my mobility at her office.  I thought about that for a while.  It sounds easy, but I really want you to think about it as it relates to your health.  Lastly was “How do you expect to get there?”  Of course I said magic wand…then I added that’s where she comes in.  She gets my humor.  But it’s hard working with her sometimes so I avoid it occasionally as that’s what we all do if we don’t like pain.  Likewise, we avoid listening to or taking the advice of others because it might cause us pain or difficulty.  We want the easy way out.  We do.

The difference is I know this and I still have a block.  I told her that today.  The hard things are just HARD to do.  I’m so damn tired of hard.  I don’t see myself as some of my friends do because I know what’s in my head.  I know how close I have come to not trying anymore.  Not giving up…just not trying.  But my friend told me I was so motivated it’s scary today.  And Marion told me to just stop “leading” and let her help me.  Because that’s what I do.  I look for answers, I don’t stop and rest too long or I’ll stay there, and I keep leading.  I will succeed in my goal of coming back into my body at full capacity.  I will not let these labels, these ridiculous, stupid labels, stop me from living.  If you are tired of living with a label and you are asking for advice, please do yourself a favor and HELP YOURSELF.  You are the lead in your life.  You are.  But when you ask for advice, if you truly need help, then take it.  And that my friends is my lesson for today.

Help yourself

Author’s note:  Dr. Marion gave me this listing for everyone needing to find your own AK practitioner.

Here’s to you…

New youHey there friends.  I’d like your help.  We are working on a way to change ourselves.  Really and truly in the New Year.  Not resolutions that can be broken, but a plan.  A real plan.  On my Facebook page for the blog I am making a few posters about ways to help yourself, but I want you to sit quietly and think about all the ways you are blocking yourself from your greatest potential.  Whether it is weight loss, healthy eating, negative thinking, depression and/or anxiety, excuses for why you don’t leave the house, excuses for why you don’t exercise, well you name it, you and only you know how to change yourself.  The fact is, we can go to all the therapists in the world, but until we are ready to make that change, that commitment, we are simply going to continue hoping what they tell us will work one day.

Wake up and open the curtains.  Remember my last post about getting more light?  Hint, you had to watch the video I posted.  Clean your room and get rid of anything you are not using.  It makes you feel better.  I don’t know why or how, but it does.  Make ROOM in your life for things you need.  You are getting rid of things you no longer need in your life.  I guess it could be the symbolism, but it really does work.  Fluff your comforter, change your sheets.  Go to bed earlier.  I personally know how hard this one is.  I am erm a night owl.  Nevertheless, I am going to be shutting down 30 minutes earlier and working on a new routine.

Get your refrigerator ready for good food.  Throw out the Christmas fruitcake…no not your relatives, the sweets you still have.  Wash and prep veggies for the week.  Make your list of smoothie items or simply use these greens I use everyday.  I use berry but you can try orange or whatever you like.  It actually is cheaper than buying all the veggies to throw in the blender.  I also take my supplements for my pain and drink turmeric milk or tea.  I immediately change my thinking even if I am in pain to thinking that the tea or whatever I am using is helping me.  It really is helping but I try hard not to concentrate on what is wrong.  I work daily at this.  Do NOT dwell in the negatives.  Let the negative thoughts pass by, but don’t stay there.

My Facebook business page Vitalize You is working on a plan to help my customers, so if you are interested, feel free to PM the page.  I am also working on a yoga plan as well as a getting out of the house more plan.  This is very important if you have fibromyalgia and tend to sit too much.  Stop dwelling.  Just stop.  Make a plan.  If I can do it, you can too.  So let’s go.  2015.  It’s almost here.  Move more.  Eat better.  Do good things.  No resolutions you won’t keep, but goals.  Gather your supplies, your buddies, if you don’t have buddies, get out of the house and make some.  NO excuses!  Ok, pep talk over…and today wasn’t even Motivational Monday.

 

Motivational Monday…

I had a different blog post planned until I read several things on my social media page.  I am sad about most of what I see and my mom thinks I need to stay off of it…I do try, but it’s difficult when you run a few pages…so here is my post for today.

I have an amazing friend.  She is super smart, funny, talented and has a wonderful story to go along with it all.  I do so love a wonderful story, but it’s hers to tell.  She is inspiring in so many ways, mostly due to her public battle with cancer.  She is not afraid to put herself out there, and her help with homeless and recovering addicts inspires me as well.  If you have a moment to put her in your thoughts or prayers, please do so as this was part of her message today “about 10 or so my heart stopped for 11 minutes and 18 seconds”.  When I read that, I didn’t know what to say…except she was in a happy place during that time with her grandparents, and I understand that feeling of wanting to stay.  But she has work yet to do here, so God sent her back.

I want you to think about what you have left here on this earth to do.  I want you to think about all the people who inspire you and all the people you inspire without maybe even knowing it.  Seriously.  Journal about it if you would like.  Write down the qualities of these people and then turn it inward.  Are there things you can be doing to help others?  Are there ways you might like to be more like them?  Can you turn your negative thoughts into positives?  For example, I wish I had more money.  I think that in my head.  I know I do.  I am working on changing it to, I am glad I had enough money for that unexpected bill.  I will work on saving more.  Or how about this one, I need to lose weight and I don’t eat right.  Turn it into, I am losing weight by eating better.  I am doing great.  It takes time.

The thing about this friend is that if she has had a bad day or a bad experience, she always turns it into a positive one for her support team.  She knows we worry, are afraid, might be depressed, and suffer the same kind of negative thoughts as everyone else, but she self-talks us into feeling better.  And it works.  Self-talk is great.  At the end of her posts, if she has had a hard day, I still believe she is happy and knows she is loved.  That is the number one thing to turning your mood around.  Come from a place of love and seek your joy.  In all things, you can find your joy.  I love you friend if you are reading this.  I know you can do the hard things.

Joy