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Last year was very difficult for many of my friends.  With January coming to a close, I want to say we are still keeping our renewed spirit.  I know how difficult it is to be around people who are projecting negative energy.  You use your energy to lift them up.  Unless you are like me, and go into hermit mode so as to keep the energy supplies you have left available so you don’t fall flat on your face.  I am not going to lie to you and say that 17 years of trying to keep my energy up has not drained me at times.  With each new diagnosis I face a time of “mourning”.  I go through a period of time where I feel  like each disease/illness/condition is trying to kill a tiny bit more of who I might have been.  I retreat a little bit more.

I finally decided to come back out of the “shell” I had created for myself after this last bout of pain.  When I think of my future, I no longer think of the pain.  It’s still there.  Trust me.  It’s still there.  I researched until I was blue in the face and found countless other blogs saying the exact same thing.  They lost themselves.  They gave up their dreams.  One even quit the path to her PhD.  I get it.  Some said they lost girlfriends and did not even know how to get them back.  I say to you, simply say I’m sorry.  If your friends don’t understand that you took a tumble, then they were not your true friends.  If your family doesn’t understand that your path is not theirs, then how can love come with conditions?

I am one of the luckiest people I know.  The friends who check in on me, I know you are there and I thank you.  The family who stands by me, I know this is not easy on you, but I appreciate your efforts to help me.  And most importantly, the best husband in the world.  You catch me.  So, this is my new favorite quote:

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