Unhappy meals…

All I want to do is take a nap right now and listen to the pouring rain, but this post won’t stop writing itself in my head.  So, here I go.  I hope it’s happy after this.  I have been researching a bit more about iron and my thyroid condition.  Now, before you leave, wait.  I am tired of it too, so hear me out.  I was busy making my delicious salad with egg for protein and pouring my taste-free gluten-free dressing on when I had a moment of anger.  Let me explain.  Yesterday, I had an egg for breakfast with my coffee.  I will stab anyone who tells me to cut out coffee, so don’t go there with me right now.  I had a salad for lunch with my specially researched smoothie with all the right ingredients to heal my “leaky gut”.  Another part of this disease, but I am not going there either.  For dinner, we had pork chops and rice with pineapple (to help heal the inflammation in my joints).  I had one of my gluten-free cookies.  For snack, gluten-free blue corn chips and salsa.  Many people were asking questions in one of my groups and because I have still been having issues after I eat, I copied what one of the girls said and sent it to my husband in an e-mail.  Here it is:

In addition, if you have an autoimmune condition, you should completely avoid:

Eggs (especially the whites)
Nuts
Seeds (including cocoa, coffee and seed-based spices)
Nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, eggplants, sweet and hot peppers, cayenne, red pepper, tomatillos, goji berries etc. and spices derived from peppers, including paprika)
Potential Gluten Cross-Reactive Foods
Fructose consumption in excess of 20g per day
Alcohol
NSAIDS (like aspirin or ibuprofen)
Non-nutritive sweeteners (yes, all of them, even stevia)
Emulsifiers, thickeners, and other food additives

PLUS I am supposed to follow this plan called Paleo Autoimmune Protocol.  So, I ask you, what in the hell am I allowed to eat?  Yes, I said HELL.  Not because I feel like throwing it in there, but because as any good southern girl knows, eating like this is HELL on her family.  Try going to family functions.  It goes a little like this:

Grandma:  Pass her the hot rolls, she didn’t get a freshly baked biscuit.   Me: Remember, I can’t eat bread right now grandma.  Grandma:  Well, I know you’ll have some of these snaps I made with bacon grease (ok, so she wouldn’t have said out loud why the snaps are so good, but we all know).  Me:  Umm, remember I told you I was highly allergic to green beans now.  Grandma: Fine!  Now, I know you’ll have some of this congealed salad with NUTS.  Me:  What kind of nuts?  Because ummm, remember I told you that almonds came up as something I am highly allergic too now.  Grandma:  Well, now I know you will have one of your favorite Deviled Eggs.  Here you go (plop).  Me:  I hate to tell you this grandma, but apparently Deviled Eggs are the Devil.  I can’t eat eggs with nightshade spices.  Apparently it’s the spawn of Satan or something.  Grandma:  (She might use my full name here), you mean to tell me afta I have spent all day in the kitchen cooking up this small meal of 17 things, you can’t have a one of them?  Now, I know you are just trying to save room for dessert.  So here is a nice piece of lemon pound cake.  Me:  I’m allergic to lemons…and everything that’s in that cake (I whisper).  Sure Grandma.  That sounds great.

Sooo, now you know why I can’t give up my beverages.  They are coming to revoke my “Southerner License” any day now.

Chocolate Therapy

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6 thoughts on “Unhappy meals…

  1. Thank you for this. Brought a smile for sure. Was already avoiding gluten b/c of Hashimoto’s and then food sensitivity testing revealed eggs, yogurt, and almonds too! Meanwhile, what had I increased when I went gluten free? Eggs! When I decided to cut dairy? Almond milk! SMH…it’s a pain. Is there a breakfast food out there for me?

    Sounds like youre doing a way better job than I am of sticking to it. I need to be more disciplined.

    Like

  2. omgosh I can so relate to this! Having raised three kids on restricted diets and played around with Gluten free, dairy free, egg free, nightshade free…gah! Paleo made the best sense to me, but even that required lots of forward planning and a whole lot of patience with eating out or travelling!! At the end of the day, ya just gotta do what works for you 🙂

    Like

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