I come from a fairly humorous family (even when they are not really trying to be funny). Sometimes I think dinner with my folks would make a great sitcom. I am going to recap tonight’s episode for you. We left the house a bit behind schedule for dinner at my folks house. I called them on my cellphone and told them we had left. My dad answered and told me my niece wanted to speak to me, but I had to hang up so she could answer the phone. It made perfect sense to me as she’s four years old and I totally get little people. Anyway, after all that, we hear a strange noise coming from our tires. I think several cuss words in my head and ask my husband to quickly pull over as I want to look at the tire. Sure enough, we had run over a bolt. Not a nail mind you, but a bolt. Sigh. I call my dad back and my brother answers as well as my dad. Here’s how that conversation worked. “Hey, umm my tires are making a noise. We ran over a bolt, so hopefully we’ll make it.” My brother calmly says “Well, don’t pull it out and…” at the exact same moment my dad starts panicking into the phone “What??? Oh noooo, oh gosh. Do you need me to get you??? What do you want me to doooo??” Usually, my dad says “Oh Lord” a lot at moments like these, so I wasn’t really surprised. “Dad, (he’s still talking) DAD, it’s fine. I’m sure we’ll make it.” My brother is trying to tell me he has a patch kit, etc. Finally my brother says “Okay, I’ll let you talk to dad” and at the same moment my dad says “You talk to her” and they both hang up at the same time. I start laughing as my husband glances over at me. We’ve been married a while, so it’s not a surprise when I tell him how dad over reacted. So I’m thinking dad is worried out of his mind about my tire now, and when we pull up he is going to rush out there to inspect the tires immediately. So when we get there I ask my husband to back up so the bolt is showing.
We go in the house and no dad. Hmmm. My brother is in the kitchen with my mom, and they said, oh yeah, he went to the store for salad dressing. Really? Really?? After all that. My mom proceeds to tell me that he had this look of horror on his face as he was talking to me on the phone. However, when he called me today to invite me over for dinner, I said I just wanted a big salad and he got all the fixings and realized when he got home that he didn’t have enough salad dressing. Again, this is funny. My mom proceeded to pull out the giant block of feta cheese my dad bought from one of those “savings club” stores, but apparently my dad refused to buy a gallon of ranch dressing. Sigh.
When he finally gets back, we eat dinner. Right after dinner he immediately calls all the local tire places, but by this time it is getting late. Dad, we made it this far, and the tire looks okay. I’m sure we can make it home. He has a conniption fit again so they all go out to look at the tire. He puts air in it, and measures the pounds of air. “Do you have towing if it deflates?” Ummm, sure dad. He seems satisfied with this answer. “Call me when you get home.” Of course. As we are nearing the bridge we have to cross, I hear a noise like a rock hitting the wheel well. More cuss words in my head. Wait, I think the bolt just flew out. I call my dad. Dad, you want to hear something funny? “I knew it, no it won’t be funny….blah, blah,” DAD, really. It is funny. I think it just flew out. “Oh no, now it’s leaking. Call me when you get home. You have a slow leak.”
Just so you know, we made it home, I called my dad and he is still convinced the tire will be flat in the morning. I also wouldn’t change a thing about my dad.
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.” ~Bill Cosby