Anger can be useful…

In the spring, I was in the worst pain I have ever been in.  It started last year, and continued for many months.  Since I already have Porphyria Cutanea Tarda and Hereditary Hemochromatosis, I spent 8 months trying to find a doctor who believed that my pain was indeed getting worse.  When I finally found someone to listen, it was what I had researched.  See earlier posts under the search title of health to follow that thread.  I was then diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease, and had every symptom listed.  The problem is, once you have gone through so much pain to get to a diagnosis just to help you understand how to manage what you have, you start to get angry.  Anger can be useful after going through pain.

I started working out and it really helped me for a while.  Then I went to an endocrinologist who suggested I take a smaller dose of the pill I was on that seemed to be helping me.  Now my thyroid was working overtime.  I was “hypo” then it went into “hyper” mode (friends may joke now and say I was already hyper).  I started feeling the pain come back.  I haven’t spoken of it to many people because I don’t think they understand what it feels like to be me.  That’s the honest truth.  Someone said hi to me by patting me on the back and I thought I was going to jump out of my skin it hurt so bad.  They happened to get my shoulder blade.  The other day, someone else patted my arm and it hurt for a long time after.  I started to get discouraged again.  Sometimes its hard fighting the same fight over and over.

Then I remembered to get angry.  I can use that to my advantage.  I also know that there are many people out there just like me.  Even if we have never met, I know you are with me in spirit just as I am with you.  When you get discouraged, hear negative things from the doctor, or just want to give up, remember to get angry instead.  I’ll be mad right along with you.  I will also go to the gym and race the elliptical machine to some angry music.  So, come on and get mad with me.  We can beat this.

“Anger is not bitterness. Bitterness can go on eating at a man’s heart and mind forever. Anger spends itself in its own time.”   ~Madeleine L’Engle, A Swiftly Tilting Planet


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