Time…

I have to start off with a quote tonight.  “When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.”  ~James H. Boren

I am starting off with that because I had written a completely different post and “threw it in the trash”.  I was in a rather bad mood the other day and I know better than to write when I am in a bad mood.  I write my best posts in my mind as I am going to bed.  However, by that time, I have already posted something.  I rarely go back and change anything after I have posted it because it wouldn’t be fair.  It was my mood at the time and how I felt.  Writing exposes a side of a person and if you aren’t careful, you can get hurt.  So, my advice to myself is, do not write when you are in a bad mood.  Save that for a later time and never post it Abe.

Time does not really heal all things, so I am not going to be spouting that fictional tale.  I lost a friend last year to cancer.  She went to college with me, and I know she was upset about the amount of time she had left.  None of us are promised a certain number of days on this earth.  I will not tell you that I do not mourn the loss of my friend because I do.  Just as I mourn the loss of my grandmother.  However, the difference is that I believe in my heart, my grandmother had made peace with it, and my friend was still having a hard time.  That is why the pain is so raw.  Here is what my friend said to me in one of our last messages after I told her I understood about her condition due to my own strange illness…I had no idea. That’s heavy stuff, I like how you said “I only have” like it’s no big deal, when it is. Sometimes it just feels like you are the only one that is dealing with your sickness & NO ONE knows what you are going through, even though you know it’s not true. Thanks for telling me & for the note. XOXO

I like to think that my friends feel comfortable enough around me that they can “delegate”.  That’s right.  Go ahead.  I can take it.  Every now and again, I go to her Facebook page and read comments.  I do this in the dark, alone, with a box of tissues.  I let the tears stream hot tracks down my cheeks and I don’t wipe them away until I feel better.  Sometimes people let me down.  It’s only natural.  Sometimes life lets me down.  There is no way for everyone to be who we need at the exact moment we need it.  As long as I have one friend who can understand and be supportive, I am happy.

Don’t be afraid to share what you are going through with at least one person.  Learn to “delegate” your troubles.  If in doubt about who to talk to, mumble around all of your friends until that one friend says, what is wrong with you???  That person will help you ponder…the one who really listens.

“When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.”  ~James H. Boren

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